Comprehending a Real Threat

No, NOT H1N1...

...My Beloved is away on Business in the Maritimes . Mid day yesterday the phone rang...


"Hi! I'm going to a yarn store."

"You're what? Where?"

"Near my hotel - I have a few minutes to spare, 'thought I'd see if there was some local yarn I could get so you could make me a sweater. What kind should I look for and how much will I need?" (See why I call him "Beloved"?!)

"About 1600 yards of Worsted Weight, 2000 yards of sport or DK weight."

"Okay, I'll let you know what I find."

"Bye bye!"

I hung up, walked 20 paces and the phone rang again...


"I'm in the yarn store."

"Did you transport yourself there a la Star Trek?"

"It was closer to the hotel than I realized. Now behave yourself " he warns, "I'm using hands free while this Nice Lady helps me shop!" He's too jovial, I can only assume he's trying to win her over.

Its not working. Through the phone and across a time zone the irritation coursing through the "Nice Lady's" body is palpable as my out of towner with a Blackberry connection to his wife "shops" for yarn in what, before his arrival was probably her nice quiet and peaceful LYS...

His tone of voice is broad and generous and I can tell he's smiling.

"I'm looking at pink with purple stripes, orange, brown and green stripes..."

"They're heathered stripes" the "Nice" (and clearly irritated) "Lady" snarls in the background.

"Oh, yeah, they are heathered" he says.

He has noooo idea what "heathered" means.

"There's also yellow, gold and white heathered stripes..."

At this I'm sure he's smiling his most charming smile, looking right into "Nice Lady's" eyes which have now probably narrowed to slits. "Which one do you think would be best?" he asks.

Because I'm "behaving" I don't screech

"Pink and purple stripes? Heathered or not - are you nuts?"

And because, unlike him in his yarny innocence, I know he's blundered into that most dreaded species of "Nice Ladies" the Crabby LYS owner! Not wanting to further enrage the beast only I recognize is before him, I calmly and evenly say..."Well its up to you but frankly I'm surprised you're considering a striped sweater."

"Oh no" he says, "I'm looking at sock yarn!"

(I can only imagine what Nice Lady's face - and pulse - is doing at this point...)

Oh, oh, oh okay, get the purple! I blurt. (Instantly I regret this decision but fear "Nice Lady" might put an Addi Turbo through My Beloved's throat if I change my mind so I keep quiet.)

"Now what about a sweater for me?" He booms.

"We don't have any yarn for men." "Nice Lady" spits.

"What about this cashmere?" He booms (louder).

Its $22.00 a skein. she snarls

"So? I'm worth it!" He laughs. I imagine she's put herself between my man and her cashmere display.

"The sweater is going to cost $800.00" I chirp, hoping to put the idea quickly to rest in his mind.

"What???Are you serious?"

"No but it will be well over $200.00."

(Step away from her cashmere I silently pray.)

"Oh, okay forget that" he says. "What about this?"

I assume he's waving some huge floppy skein of something or other around at arms length.

"You can't make a sweater with that." Nice Lady hisses.

"Just get the sock yarn!" I plead - I want him out of there, out of harm's way!

"Okay" he says. "I'll talk to you later!" and hangs up, oblivious to the real and present threat he's facing.

I hung up, leaving him to pay for the pink and purple heathered beauty, hoping he would be alright. He's a big and if I don't say so myself, a very charming man - especially with women - but as we all know, you just don't mess with crabby yarn shop keepers!

I didn't hear from him again, I hope he made it back out onto the street okay. Even if I tell him, he'll probably never know the kind of danger he was in.

I can't wait to see what he comes home with but however it looks, I'll just be glad he's home safe and sound!


Anonymous said...

ROTFLMAO! My husband has run across one of these beasts, too, but he recognized the threat and escaped unharmed! I have to say, given how wonderful the vast majority of knitters are, I have never understood this phenomenon of the crabby LYS owner. I mean, presumably one owns a LYS because one loves yarn and knitting, right? So why be crabby when people who also love those things come into a store meant to advance that? Can't wait to hear how he fared, and what the purple and pink yarn turns out to be!

Erin said...

This is hilarious. The LYS owner kind of reminds me of the first time I stepped in a yarn shop. They were so not pleased with my "what do I need to buy to learn to knit" questions. Little do they know all the business they missed out on because I won't go back to that shop.

Acorn to Oak said...

Oh my gosh...that was so much fun to read! LOL What a great hubby you have! I can't wait to see what the yarn looks like. I hope you love it! :-) As for the "nice" yarn shop owner....Wow!...that is interesting to me that they can be like that...they're around yarn...how great is that?!...and it's their business...you'd think they'd want to be friendly to help their business. Makes for a funny story though.

Shari said...


Oh My!

Please do share, where was he?

Stephanie said...

Ha! That's hysterical. You'd think, though, that she'd be happy for the business, even if he is somewhat clueless! Yarn stores do exist to sell yarn, after all.

Lupie said...

The story is way cute and funny. Can't wait to hear how it ends.

Sandra said...

That's hilarious! My husband will only go into my LYS - they know him, and gently direct him to what I like. Plus, if your husband ever walked into my LYS they would bend over backwards to be helpful. Next time I'm down east, I'll need the name of that store, so I can avoid it!

Brenda said...

Hee Hee. That was funny. Your daughter will be proud!

Tina said...

I hope your Beloved is save! This story made me smile so much and I am curious to read what his feelings were in there with that Nice Lady. My Sweetheart has a good sense for yarn-shopping, too, but hasn’t been there on his own I think, just ordered from an online store.

Aline la Bergère said...

LOL! What a cool hubby you have. I am a very recent LYS owner and everybody thanks me for being a kind, friendly and patient lady. Now I know why! haha. I hear so many stories of bad experiences. P.s. I even make sure I have yarn/patterns for men too! A. xx